Creating Hope Through Action
Today is International Suicide Prevention Day.
Suicide is something we don’t think of as we go about our everyday lives. We don’t stop, take a good look at our family and friends and wonder if they are doing alright. We don’t ask ourselves if someone we know lacks hope. As long as we see them doing well on the outside, we are comfortable because looking harder at them may make us uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s because if we see deep down they are hurting and depressed, we may have to do something and we don’t know what or how. Maybe it’s because if we really look at someone else, we may find that we ourselves are just making it through each day by a wing and a prayer. And that idea is upsetting. Maybe we don’t really look because if we do and find a friend or family member is depressed, we will feel responsible and guilty.
Here’s a news flash for you. If someone close to you, someone you love, commits suicide, you are going to feel responsible. And guilty. And devastated. You will feel a grief so deep it is a physical pain. A sharp, stabbing pain in your chest that feels like someone is stabbing a serrated knife in your heart and twisting it.
That burning pain will make it hard to breathe. You’ll walk around in a daze. Your mind will stop functioning properly because it’s trying to absorb what happened, to make sense of it and your emotions will tear you apart. After a time, your mind and emotions will shut down just so you can survive each day.
How do I know all of this? Because it happened to me. Fourteen years ago on November 2nd at 1pm someone I loved shot himself.
One of the most difficult parts of dealing with this event was I could have prevented it. The guilt I carry is from the fact that something I did was part of the reason for him taking his own life.
Let me tell you that is a heavy weight to carry. For a long time I carried the guilt that I was responsible for his death. For several years I became depressed and contemplated the same action because the pain was so great. Realizing that he hurt because of me, was devastating.
I rode a constant merry go round of guilt, pain and depression. During this time I unconsciously became self-destructive. I contemplated taking my own life daily because the pain and hurt was so bad. I allowed myself to stay in a situation I should have walked away from because deep down I felt I didn’t have the right to be happy when I took away his ability to be happy.
When a loved one commits suicide their pain ends but the pain for those left behind is overwhelming.
This quote is true. Today I still feel the pain. As I write this I have tears running down my face. I can’t keep them from falling. Sharing this has ripped away the scab and allowed the pain to come back to the surface. But time has given me the ability to handle the pain better. Or so I tell myself.
Whether this is the truth or a lie I tell myself to make me feel better, I don’t know. Only after the scar tissue started to cover my wounds allowing the devastating pain to lessen was I able to see the situation more clearly.
I came to realize that he had been extremely depressed for a long time and was using alcohol to self-medicate. After time passed, I realized there was a high chance he may have committed suicide or attempted to do so without my actions. I came to accept that while I may not be completely responsible for his killing himself, my actions contributed and was what pushed him over the edge. The straw that broke the camel’s back.
This realization has made me more conscious that decisions I make and what I do impacts those around me. The pain I endured after losing someone I loved to suicide has made me notice how others are doing emotionally and offer them assistance, even if that’s only a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. To be there to offer them encouragement and support to get through the day.
Everyone says ‘suicide is the cowards way out’ but let me tell you there is nothing cowardly about someone who commit suicide. To know that what you are about to do will end your existence, possibly cause you pain as you do this act and there is no going back is brave. Bravery out of desperation and pain.
That’s were we as family and friends come in. To see that someone we love is hurting. But you will have to look hard because when someone is hurting so bad they are thinking of committing suicide, they have been carrying that pain for a long time and have learned to hide it well. They will probably be the last person you would think who would take their own life.
We need to see it and address it before they get the courage to take drastic action. Take my word on this, it is not something you want to live through. I only share my experience in the hope that you’ll take what happened to me to heart and prevent it from happening to you. For the devastation that suicide brings to those left behind is unimaginable and long lasting. I am still dealing with the aftermath and it has been fourteen years.
The World Health Organization estimates that over 800,000 people die by suicide each year – one person every 40 seconds. Many more make attempts. These statics mean that there is a good chance in your life time someone you know has committed suicide, will attempt to or has attempted to.
What can we do to create hope?
So what can we do to try to help make sure someone we know and love doesn’t become part of this group? Connect, communicate and care. By connecting, communicating and caring, we are creating hope through action. We can signal to people experiencing suicidal thoughts that there is hope, that we care and want to support them. Our actions, no matter how big or small, may provide hope to those who are struggling.
Creating Hope Through Action is the theme of 2022 International Suicide Prevention Day. These four words are the very heart of preventing this disastrous event. Nurture your connection with someone who has been suicidal or lost a loved one to suicide.
Have an open communication with friends and family that you are concerned about. Maybe their behavior doesn’t scream depressed or suicidal but perhaps you “feel” something isn’t quite right. Sometimes having a sympathetic ear can make a lot of difference.
Just listen. And care. Look out for others who seem to be struggling.
For more information on suicide prevention go to International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP).
Thanks for visiting with me at
Down Home at Dee’s
